Being a single parent is a journey. There are so many things to do, yet so little time available. 24 hours in a day is not enough. Well, that's how it has been for somebody like me who never settles for mediocrity. I always want what's best for my daughter, for my family, for my friends, for my students and for my self. If I feel like I'm not doing my best, I fail. So my dilemma is, how can I be the best in all these areas when I am only one. The responsibilities at home like finances, maintaining the house & car, doing the errands, raising and disciplining a child, attending school meetings which should be done by a couple had always been my sole responsibility. Not to mention fulfilling dreams for my self as an individual like finishing a PhD in Biology, being a full professor, writing and presenting my researches internationally and retiring with my own school.
My life and dreams are not simple. In fact, simple is not an adjective I can use to describe myself. Single parenting is never simple. It takes the bravest of heart not to be derailed against one's morals. I embrace my life because in spite of everything, there are still so many blessings to be thankful for.
They say stress can be good for you. It keeps you alert and up on your toes to strive for excellence. For me, stress had been my defense mechanism (in addition to sleeping). I forget being alone, I avoid envying happy couples and complete families. When I'm tired and stressed, I won't have time to even contemplate about things that I'm missing for a long time...except when my I talk to my friends and they start sharing something about their lives with somebody special. That's the most difficult part of being a Christian single parent. In this case, prayers help a lot not to lose control of moral values.
Another hard part of single parenthood is, when I am about to sleep at night. Whatever transpired in my day, whether pleasant or discouraging, I only have myself to share it with. Of course there is my daughter. She is my best friend. We connect heart to heart. But being the parent, I always have to put up a strong facade in front of her. I am her fortress, I can't afford to show weakness to her. So there are times when you need a man who'll be your knight, best friend, critic, comic and lover who will hold your hands and hug you as you both talk about the long day you've both been through.
Through time, I discovered patience is really the key. Just do what you have to do, prioritize and give your best in everything even if single parents like me have to do double-time. In the end, the sense of accomplishment doubles too. You value yourself more, and later on, you see the difference at how other people and your circle treats you. They admire you for being a survivor and they become amazed at how still manage to stay sane and most importantly, gorgeous. Lol!
Years from now when I look back in my life at this point, I won't have any regrets. I know I did my best. If I failed on some aspects, I am sure that my intentions were also for the best of everybody. God is still molding me and I gladly participate in His plans for me and my daughter.I know the term "single mom" is not something I'll be calling my self for a long time anymore. God knows the desires of my heart. Yet I will forever be a MOM to my beautiful daughter wherever life takes me. When I am old, I can tell her that I had a life well-lived and I am proud I raised her to become the most wonderful daughter a mother can ever have.
